Blog: Confessions of a former agoraphobic

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Believe it or not, I haven’t always found the country beautiful.

click image to zoomModern Farm WifeModern Farm WifeModern Farm Wife blogger Jessica Folkema and her husband, "Dairy Man." The wide open spaces of this place used to make me feel twinges of agoraphobia (the opposite of claustrophobic). I feared the wide open spaces.

I still remember my first few drives out to Smalltown to visit the Dairy Man when we were dating. I would feel twinges of panic as sidewalks and Starbucks were replaced by cornfields and endless country roads. The openness crushed me. I felt unmoored and lost.

While DM marveled at a beautiful starry sky, I couldn’t stop looking around for streetlights.

Modern Farm WifeModern Farm Wife

It was like being on an alien planet a million miles from earth. But instead of extraterrestrial life, I was surrounded by cows and F-150s.

I desperately missed the city. I felt most at home when surrounded by tall buildings, a crush of humanity, and the perpetual cacophony of traffic. I preferred my experiences with nature to be within walking distance of a tapas restaurant or the John Hancock Center.

Modern Farm WifeModern Farm Wife

I’m still getting used to life out in the boonies. The difference three years makes, however, is that I’m starting to see the beauty.

We had a brief thunderstorm this week. After the noise (including the incessant whining of one very high-strung border collie) died down and the rain puttered out, I took a look out our front window and my breath caught in my throat.

Modern Farm WifeModern Farm Wife

Let’s face it, people. Skies like this don’t happen very often between apartment buildings.

Modern Farm WifeModern Farm Wife

I finally appreciate the beauty of this rural wilderness. Here, I can be quiet, deliberate, and still. With skies this big, it’s impossible not to feel closer to heaven.

I miss the bustle of the urban jungle, but this country is home.

Modern Farm WifeModern Farm Wife

For more adventures from an urbanite learning to live the life of a modern farm wife, visit ModernFarmWife.com.

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