Modern Farm Wife blogger Jessica Folkema and her husband, "Dairy Man."
Modern Farm Wife blogger Jessica Folkema and her husband, "Dairy Man."

Yesterday, I unintentionally wore green earrings and red shoes at the same time. It wasn’t long before someone in my office said, “Red and green, huh? Somebody must be ready for Christmas!”

Embarrassing. But um, yes. Somebody is ready for Christmas. I’m downright jolly, even if it’s just accidental.

More evidence?

  • I’ve been listening to Christmas music since November 21 (thus breaking my rule to “never be one of those pitiful people who rock out to Trans-Siberian Orchestra before Thanksgiving”).
  • I am hopelessly addicted to candy cane Hersey Kisses (to the point where I’m bringing them to meetings, just begging coworkers to save me from myself).
  • I am compensating for our faux tree at home with a bevvy of pine-scented candles (our house smells like a forest, and it is awesome).

I love the holiday season. And while I’m no Andy Williams, I wanted to take a stab at adding a yuletide carol to the existing glut.

So over the next two weeks, I will be feeding you verses of my shiny new song. If nothing else, at least it will be better than “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas,” right? The bar is pretty low there.

Thus I give you:

The 12 Days of Christmas, Dairy Style*
(*It’s like Gangham Style without the dancing and foam. Oh, and there are a lot more cows.)

On the first day of Christmas, the Dairy Man gave to me:
A twinkly-light-laden faux tree.

The 12 Days of Christmas, dairy style

I love our tree. It’s fluffy, realistic, and doesn’t shed needles. But this year I made the mistake of Googling “how to string Christmas lights on a tree” and found my way to the Better Homes & Gardens website. I should have known better. As the Dairy Man says: nothing good comes of reading BH&G.

Last year I just draped the lights on the outer branches of our tree. This year, I tried the BH&G method. I quickly realized that we were going to need more lights.

The 12 Days of Christmas, dairy style

Oops. Speficially, three times as many lights as last year. DM wasn’t a happy camper.

Maybe I should have stuck with the old method, but I am loving the extra twinkle coming from inside the tree this year. And, DM, can you really put a price on Christmas spirit?

The 12 Days of Christmas, dairy style

For more adventures from an urbanite learning to live the life of a modern farm wife, visit