Death isn’t exactly a favorite topic of conversation. Most people would rather talk about the weather, weekend plans or just about anything else. But putting off the discussion can leave a family sorting out the future of the farm while grieving a loss.
While succession planning can feel like a big undertaking, it doesn’t have to start with a family meeting or a stack of legal documents. A conversation over supper or during a drive home can be a good place to start.
“I think it’s really difficult to have the large conversations if we’re not having the small conversations,” says Shauna Percy, suicide prevention specialist and founder of Ag Care Connect.
Percy has spent 15 years working in mental health and suicide prevention. Through her work with farm families, she has seen how everyday conversations can make it easier to approach harder topics, including succession and family legacy.
“Start by sharing your values, feelings and questions in everyday conversations before moving on to bigger topics,” Percy says. “People don’t tend to have a hard time talking about their history on the farm. Start there.”
Families don’t need to answer everything at once. The first step is making room to talk.
Start With the Hard Questions
Joy Kirkpatrick, farm succession outreach specialist with UW–Madison Extension, has spent more than 20 years helping farm families work through succession planning. She says families often put it off because they are busy, unsure where to start or uncomfortable discussing mortality, money and family expectations.
“It’s really easy to focus on the things that absolutely need to be done and you can see a tangible outcome of what you do,” Kirkpatrick says. “When you do those things with planning, it can take time and it can be a little bit harder to see the end result as you first get started.”
Rather than trying to settle every question in one sitting, families can start with what they know. They might talk about the farm’s history, what they hope to preserve or what they would like to change. From there, the conversation can turn to retirement, management responsibilities or who wants to farm.
It also helps for each person to think about their own expectations before talking as a family. What do they want for the farm’s future? What are they worried about? What assumptions might they be making about someone else’s plans?
These questions can be especially helpful when some children work on the farm and others have built careers elsewhere. Parents may want to treat their children fairly, while the next generation may have different ideas about what fair means.
“No family is perfect,” Kirkpatrick says. “So let’s normalize these tensions as being common things that come up in succession planning and talk about ways to address them.”
Disagreement doesn’t mean a family has failed at planning. It means there are things to work through. If a conversation gets difficult, family members can pause and return to it later, rather than feeling pressured to make a decision right away.
Work Through the Details
As conversations develop, families can begin working through the details one piece at a time. They don’t need to have every answer before getting started. The next step might be reviewing finances, discussing retirement plans or talking about who will take on more responsibility in the farm business.
Kirkpatrick recommends thinking about farm assets in three categories: what the older generation needs for retirement, what the next generation needs to keep the business running and what the family hopes to pass on as an inheritance.
Those needs can overlap. Parents may depend on farm assets for retirement, while the next generation needs land and equipment to continue the business. Families may also want to provide for children who chose careers away from the farm.
“Can it be all of those things?” Kirkpatrick asks. “And are there two that you need to prioritize?”
There may not be an immediate answer. But talking through the different needs can help family members understand where they agree and what still needs attention.
Kirkpatrick notes that families can start with a few basic steps:
- Review the finances. Take stock of farm assets, debt, savings and retirement income to understand what the operation can support.
- Talk about responsibilities. Discuss who wants to farm, what each person’s role might look like and how management duties could transfer over time.
- Discuss retirement and inheritance. Consider what the older generation will need in later years and how the family wants to provide for children who farm and those who don’t.
- Update legal documents. Review wills and powers of attorney, and work with an attorney to put the family’s decisions in writing.
The family doesn’t have to tackle every item at once. Some discussions may lead to decisions, while others may reveal questions that need more thought or outside advice.
Keep the Conversation Going
Succession planning doesn’t have to happen in one meeting. Families can build the habit of talking about the future through everyday interactions, then return to bigger questions as they feel ready.
Percy suggests paying attention to when and where conversations happen. Sitting across a kitchen table and asking serious questions may feel intimidating. Talking while working on a chore together can make it easier to open up.
“There’s no easy way to get there,” Percy says. “But I do think practicing will help.”
She also encourages family members to be honest about what they can handle. If a conversation feels like too much, it’s OK to ask for a break rather than avoid the subject indefinitely.
“If you’re not ready to have a conversation right now, that’s okay,” Percy says. “Are you able to let your loved one know, ‘I can’t talk about this right now, but let’s come back to this next week. I just need to catch my breath’?”
That approach gives family members room to collect their thoughts without leaving the subject unresolved. It also helps them practice talking about uncomfortable topics before a major life event forces decisions.
Percy says she has had to learn these skills herself. Finding the words to describe feelings doesn’t always come naturally, she says, but practice can help people get more comfortable with it.
“Most things that I can acknowledge in my life, they’ve only gotten better through practice,” she says. “I love this saying: practice makes progress. Not perfect.”
Everyday moments around the supper table, during chores or on the drive home offer opportunities to talk about the farm’s future. Taking time to share hopes, listen and talk about the future can bring loved ones closer and help everyone feel more confident about the road ahead.
