Farmers have a laundry list of things to do each day. Care for the cows, call the feed mill, shuffle through the paperwork. The list goes on and on, and at the end of the day, there may only be a few hours left to eat dinner, talk with loved ones and take a hot shower before doing it all again the next day.
Creating a work life balance is not just for the nine-to-fivers. In fact, striking a balance between life on and off the farm might be even more crucial for today’s farmers. Monica McConkey, Rural Mental Health Counselor at Eyes on the Horizon Consulting, shared her expertise on “Life Balance,” an episode of PDPW’s The Dairy Signal™.
“On dairy farms especially, when the commitment is 24/7, 365, you don’t have that off season where you can physically leave and get away or get caught up in other projects,” says McConkey. “What I find with farmers, in general, is that there is no life balance. Life is really all about the farm. And the feeling is that ‘If my life isn’t all about the farm, the farm is not going to make it.’”
Having that “all or nothing” mentality can be a dangerous lifestyle to live by. Instead, McConkey recommends searching for a balance that not only incorporates the farm, but other healthy life choices as well.
Achieving Balance
According to McConkey, one of the first steps in achieving a healthy life balance is identifying where you are feeling “off.” Is it your social life? Your health? Perhaps spending time with your family? Indicating which areas feel out of balance is key. “The first step is just looking at yourself personally and thinking to yourself, ‘What’s out of whack here?’” McConkey notes.
Identifying where you’d like to see more balance in your life is the easy part. The tricky part is discovering how to incorporate this balance into your already hectic schedule.
“Seeking balance needs to happen in real life,” McConkey says. “You don’t have to quit farming to have balance in your life. We all have 24 hours in a day, and balance is how we choose to prioritize that time. Understanding that you can fit in some important, meaningful time to create balance does not have negative impacts on the operation.”
Being intentional with your time and prioritizing choices plays a large role in creating a well-balanced lifestyle. “Life balance issues have to be very intentional, or it doesn’t happen. We just let life consume us and we get lost in the busyness and the stress of everyday demands. And that really starts to take a toll on farmers,” McConkey adds.
Managing Feelings of Guilt
There may be times when you begin to prioritize more balance in your life, however, thoughts about the farm constantly pop into your mind. And when these thoughts pop up, you might experience feelings of guilt.
“Every feeling that we have is caused by a thought or a perception. So, when we notice ourselves starting to feel guilty, on edge, overwhelmed or stressed, it’s important to dig a little deeper and find out what is the thought that’s causing that feeling,” McConkey says.
To help manage this feeling of guilt, McConkey recommends focusing on being present in the moment. “Tune into your senses and be intentional with your thoughts. It’s okay to still think about the farm occasionally, but be present in the moment.”
According to McConkey, your intentions need to align with your priorities. Living without some form of intention can create a constant juggling act. “If something is really important to you, you make time for it and you make it work. Once you identify which part of life is ‘out of whack,’ figure out what needs to be done on purpose, or with an intention to get that into a place that you feel better,” she says.
Lastly, the mental health counselor recommends setting small, obtainable and realistic goals for yourself or your family. Some tips include:
- Sitting down as a family and discussing your priorities together
- Check-in with each other often and provide accountability
- Make goals measurable and monitor progress
“If you don’t like where you’re at right now, you are capable of changing it,” McConkey says. “People feel very stuck and often feel like the way their lives are going lies in factors outside of their control. And while that may be true, all of us have things outside of our control, however, there are many things within your control that can change your outlook. And the one to start with is the way you think. You can create change in your life even when it feels like you sometimes can’t.”
For the full discussion and conversations on life balance, see the full Dairy Signal episode here.
PDPW’s Dairy Signal airs each Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from noon to 1 p.m. CT, and viewers tuning in live can ask questions of the presenters. All episodes are available here free and downloadable in audio and video format.
Professional Dairy Producers® (PDPW) is the nation’s largest dairy producer-led organization of its kind, focusing on producer professionalism, stakeholder engagement and unified outreach to share ideas, solutions, resources, and experiences that help dairy producers succeed.
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Virtual programming airs 12:00-1:00 PM CT each Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. All episodes are available via download.
