One Dairy Farmer is Trying to Cross Out the Stigma of Depression

Sad. Depressed. Anxious. Suicidal. When Randy Roecker looked in the mirror, he never thought these words would reflect who he was. After all, he was generally optimistic, happy and exuded positive energy. However, when the recession hit in 2008, crashing milk price, Randy’s cheery mood quickly began dwindling. It all happened so quickly that Roecker didn’t recognize that his mental health was suffering.

Coincidently, Roecker had just taken on a major expansion on his Loganville, Wis., dairy farm that included a new free stall barn and parlor, summing up to a seven-digit figure. His farm was losing nearly $30,000 a month and Roecker had no idea how he would make the farm payment, let alone how he would keep the farm. Those worries not only kept him up at night but also spiraled his mental health into major anxiety and depression. “I thought I would be the last person to be going through this,” he shares.

Not knowing where to turn for help or acknowledging he even needed help, Roecker became very withdrawn from social gatherings, didn’t eat, didn’t shave and slept either too little or too much. His family and friends were not aware of the signs of mental health and perhaps were also in denial. They would ask him, “What’s wrong with you?”

Randy didn’t know the answer and while he sought treatment after treatment from eight doctors and seven therapists, was on more than 20 different medications, underwent brain shock therapy nine times and was also hospitalized in the psych ward once for a week. Through it all, many of the professionals asked Randy that very same question. This all made Roecker question what was wrong with him and consequently, his depression escalated.

“This is exactly why farmers keep to themselves and nobody likes to talk about things like this,” Roecker states. “I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I just knew I felt overwhelmingly stressed out and sad.”

Roecker shares that while sitting in group mental health sessions at the University of Wisconsin hospital psych ward, he scowled the room wondering how he even ended up there. Wounds of others attending the therapy sessions were clear—burn marks around their necks or marks on their arm—proof that they didn’t only have suicidal thoughts, but they have attempted suicide, too.

Randy found himself in the hospital twice because he had overdosed on pills. “So many pills were laying around, as I was over medicating,” he says. “I started to self-medicate myself. If one pill didn’t help, maybe four would.”

Eye-opening as that all was for Randy, unfortunately he had yet to hit his bottom. He reached that monthly later, when he had reoccurring envisions of his children looking down into his grave and he knew he needed to find a way to climb out. Thankfully, slowly Randy was able to do just that.

Farmer Angel Network

Today Randy finds therapy in advocating for mental health in his small Sauk County Wisconsin community. “Farmers keep to themselves, and nobody likes to talk about things like this,” he states. “So, one thing that I stress is that it’s okay to talk about how we are feeling. We need to shut down the stigma associated with depression.”

After a neighboring farmer became overwhelmed by stress and committed suicide, Randy wept, but also thought to himself, “I never want this to happen to anyone again.” The dairy producer started holding meetings at his local church to talk about stress and mental health and it kind of grew from there. He was interviewed by local and state media and even garnished the attention from NBC Nightly News—Farmers Struggling with Mental Health.

Randy’s peer-to-peer support group aimed at getting farmers through tough times, named Farmer Angle Network addresses the challenges farmers were facing and opens the conversation on mental health to help shed the stigma led by society. “The main goal that we’re trying to do is just be okay with talking about things like this,” Randy notes.

The dairy farmer hopes that his Farmer Angel Network idea takes off and spreads to other rural communities to help give farmers an outlet for talking about what they’re facing. “So many times, I just needed someone to not ask, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ and just listen,” Randy shares.

Persuade and Refer

Roecker went to his local health department and began working with a nurse regarding Question, Persuade, Refer (QPR) training to become certified. “We are doing the same kind of training for milk haulers and nutritionists and others that go out to the farm because when farmers are depressed, they don’t want to leave the farm,” he states.

The outside team members of the farm, like the nutritionists and milk haulers, can talk to the farmers and persuade them not to do anything to harm themselves and then refer them to the proper people that can offer help. “Farmers don’t know where to turn when they are struggling with mental health,” Roecker shares. “Helping others in the industry help identify farmers who are struggling, tips to listen to them and then persuade them and refer them is saving lives.”

Talking is a Strength

Roecker shared his mental health struggle at the 2021 Milk Business Conference, alongside mental health practitioner, Ted Mathews – both echoing “were all in this together.” Mathews says that it's important to deal with stressors before they get to the point that impacts your mental health.

“You have to remember when people say they have a family farm and sometimes they haven’t spoken to other family members in days,” Mathews shares. “You must make time for family.”

Mathews also notes that talking about the burdens that farmers endure is essential. For example, when it snows and farmers are already overworked, they know more work is on deck. “Sometimes being able to talk about it out load is a good thing,” he says. “Stop holding it in. Especially men, men are horrible about holding it in. The stress just builds and builds and that is never a good thing.”

While many think sharing stressors or being vulnerable is a weakness, Mathews states it is just the opposite. “People see you as being much stronger if you can open up and share,” he reports.

Both Roecker and Mathews encourage farmers to talk to someone that they completely trust and share their feelings. “Feeling better is much better than not feeling better,” Mathews states.

Back in Wisconsin, Roecker wholeheartedly believes in the power of talking and is committed to reducing any shame in seeking mental health. “Be a good listener,” Randy says. “If someone opens up and talks with you about their troubles, be a good listener. This really helps more than most people realize.”