With glossy eyes, I’m still treasuring the long-lasting hug I gave my 18-year-old daughter, Cassie, after we dropped her off at Iowa State University in Ames earlier this week. I know I must have blinked because it feels like I was crying not that long ago when our dear hearted daughter was heading off to kindergarten. My sweet girl was determined and more than prepared then as she is now. I still can recall Cassie trying to reassure me that I’d be okay when she stepped on the school bus for the very first time. “You still have Jacob,” referring to her baby brother. Back then, the idea of having a toddler to cuddle was comforting. Now “baby Jake” is a 14-year-old high-school freshman, who towers over me, and the days of cuddling are far and few in-between.
The Fast-paced Journey
It’s so crazy—we want our kids to grow up, to become productive adults in this world, and find their eternal calling in life. Naturally inquisitive, sandwiched in between two brothers, Cassie was born ready. From a very young age, she was wired to work hard, was very intelligent and extremely capable, and had no problem proving anyone wrong if they said she couldn’t do something simply because she was a girl. Lord knows she turned heads when people would see our small-framed girl step up in a big John Deere 8360R tractor, chisel plowing fields or covered in dirt and grease, as she helped her grandfather rebuild a tillage plow in the shop. She has a soft heart for Jersey cows, too. The few times Cassie has cried has included when she had to say a farewell goodbye to one of her cows when their time had come to leave the farm.
A Daddy’s Girl
From early on, holding her father’s big, callused hands, Cassie absolutely loved being by her daddy’s side, surrounded by Jersey cows and John Deere tractors, growing up on our family dairy farm. So, the idea of sending our daughter off to college to get an education and with the dream to return to her family dairy farm someday should have both her father and I beaming – which it does – but there is just something about saying goodbye that has us in tears.
If you know, you know. That’s all I can say. We all think time stands still when kids are little and needy and beg for one more story before bed and make chores take double the time, as they want to help in every way possible. Then it feels like maybe time doesn’t go quite fast enough when they are hormonal teenagers. But, somewhere along the way – through life’s hardships and opportunities that farm kids learn from being raised on a farm – their spines straighten with confidence, and they become capable of doing more, which means mom and dad do less, and their hearts become filled with passion – and then they leave the nest.
The Emotional Goodbye
And what’s a mom got to do other than cry? I suppose console her husband who is crying harder because he said goodbye to his only daughter. And while that goodbye was more of a “see ya later,” Scott’s eyes got heavy and watery, and he didn’t seem to want the hug to ever end. Cassie is a daddy’s girl. Let me make this clear: if Cassie had the choice to have a girl’s day with mom – lunch, shopping, maybe even a pedicure – or pull on some work boots and help dad in the barn, working with cows, she would pick working with her father every single day of the week. Even on her birthday. This is no joke.
Ask any parent, college campus drop-offs are bittersweet. We miss the human beings that we worked endlessly hard to get to this point. But, knowing our beautiful daughter is fierce, independent and smart, and the fact she has found a temporary place to call home helps mend our hearts and mind.
Adjusting to the New Normal
With corn chopping starting soon, Scott looked over at me on our way back home after dropping off our daughter and said, “K, you can interview producers from the cab of a tractor, right?”
I grinned and shook my head. Yes, I’m a farm girl, but I do have a day job I take very seriously. And, let me tell you all this – no, I’m not taking on that role because I’ve been around long enough to know that once I take on a role for the farm, I’ll never lose that role. Thankfully, it looks like we have a lot of helping hands on deck this year.
Although, I’ll admit, being extra busy helps fill the void of not seeing Cassie’s big smile around. So, maybe occasionally you’ll see me push pause on a Tuesday afternoon, in time to help feed calves. This is the day our calf feeder is off and the day of the week that Cassie would typically feed 100-plus Jersey calves.
So, obviously we all miss Cassie. Not just when it comes to having an extra gal run chopper wagons or vaccinate dry cows or feed calves. We will miss the beautiful, extraordinary woman that she is. Especially on those long days, when she would come inside around 7 p.m., starving, ready for dinner, just to find out that there was no dinner prepared. No question asked, Cassie would start the stove. When I would thank her, she would say, “No big deal. You were still working in the office mom.” How on earth did I get so darn lucky? It’s not even like Cassie didn’t work a 12-hour day. But that’s my girl. She always was willing to pitch in and lend a helping hand. Her preference, of course, is in the barns or fields, but she had no problem helping her mom because “that’s what family does.”
So, now the tears are flowing hard and for those of you that have pint-sized kids still at home and might not understand the saga of what I’m going through, I get it. Everyone tells you don’t let your kids grow up and they tell you it happens in the blink of an eye. Which is the truth. My takeaway message is that life moves quickly and as parents we get these glittering moments of watching our children grow and become independent. While it’s all that we hoped they would become, it still is bittersweet. The transition isn’t for the faint of hearts, but it certainly does fill our hearts with pride and love. Moms and dads cherish every moment, for they are fleeting.
